Friday, February 8, 2013

a bitter night...

This is an excerpt from a song by Christina Perri. I do not support the song the way I love gospel songs. What I like most is the lyrics of the song. I may seem bitter but this is the truth. May people, both guys and girls, seem to think that it is ok to hurt other people.

And who do you think you are, running 'round leaving scars?
Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me, who do you think you are?

There was this beautiful lady that I've known for a very long time. We first met back in elementary school but we weren't that close. The way I see it, she was just another classmate. We eventually parted ways when she has to transfer school. By twist of fate, we met again back in 2012.

And then we got closer and closer. We went out often and we know that there is something special going on between us. However she doesn't want to be "committed" with me. Weird thing is, she said that she love me! Go figure!

It is important for me to understand who I am to her, because I always made it clear who she was to me. I loved her and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. To make things clear though, this was not just about the label of the boyfriend and girlfriend crap. Neither it was about me displaying her to other people so I can prove I'm that guy. Oh snap, I did love her!

"The results?... I was not enough for her."This was all about knowing where we stood at that time. I wanted to know how we were to proceed. This I explained to her numerous times, yet she insisted that she doesn't want commitments. What hurt me the most back then was how she told me, several times, to leave her! It's as if no matter how hard I tried to keep together whatever we had, she just wanted quits.

At that time, she also have a lot of other suitors other than me. So I felt threatened by them specially because some of these guys work at the same company she was working at.

The results? Well, I belittled my self. Thinking whatever I have, weren't enough for her. Thinking I was not enough for her. That it would inconvenience her if I am to be her boyfriend. Worst, I even thought that I am just someone to pass her time. And though I was just "pampalipas oras", I still loved her.

Then I thought, I don't deserve this! Nobody deserves to be treated this way! I deserve someone who will render to me the same love I gave. Someone who can make me feel that I am needed and that I am important. Someone that would appreciate my efforts. Someone who can understand our differences yet willing to adapt. Someone who deserves my love.

So I did leave her. Promising myself to never ever let other people treat me the same way.

Love is precious and not just something that you play with. It is sacred and not just something that you confuse with lust. We don't just say it, but we work hard in order to prove it. We don't let someone take its meaning poorly.

Before you love other people, learn to love yourself first. Before you look for someone to share your life with, make sure that you are complete first.

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